I Want to Start Drinking Again

In that location is a part of me—even after seventeen years of sobriety—that whispers ever-and so-seductively every summer that it might exist acceptable to outset drinking once again.

Here are some of the reasons I've come up with over the years.

I want to beverage again – I miss drinking

Sometimes I mourn the fact that drinking—for me—is a horrible idea, but there is very trivial about my drinking career I actually miss.

I do not miss hangovers or having to inquire someone to walk me through the previous dark's events. I also appreciate waking upward next to a homo I recognize every forenoon, and knowing exactly where my car is parked.

Deduction: Fifty-fifty if I practise sometimes miss drinking, I practise not e'er miss the consequences that near ever resulted.

I could probably just have one

Okay, this might be true.

I might be able to take just i drink tonight, be super proud of myself for beating the odds of alcoholism, and maybe even become to bed without anything catastrophic happening. I've heard many stories over the years of people doing just that. Unfortunately, many (not all) of those stories continue with ii very important words that I must keep in the forefront of my mind.

"And then…"

I imagine my excitement over the ability to accept just one drinkable and get to bed might last for a calendar week… while I fancied how many nights a calendar week I could put the kids to bed and have one.

And then…

Peradventure afterward an peculiarly horrific solar day, the expect might be as well much, and I would decide it okay to put them to bed a little early. I might even justify this with all sorts of rationale regarding how tired they must exist after their long solar day at school, but really it will only exist so I can accept my ane drink and go to bed.

Given how quickly my priorities shift when I drink, I'd be willing to bet it wouldn't take long for me to experiment with a two glass rule, and I'thou certain the glass would besides get larger. Perchance information technology would take years for things to get equally progressively bad equally they were in 2000, but I know in my middle they would.

Deduction: Ane potable normally leads me to another, and the desire to be shit-faced as often as possible ruins my life.

I'm unlike now

I have my shit together: I'm married, ain a business firm, I have ii cars in the driveway. Things are different. I am different.

The truth is, the only reason I take shit to rub together today is because I got sober. I don't "do" relationships when I'k drinking—by and large considering they get in the fashion of my drinking, so I can't imagine my marriage lasting very long. Plus, I oft forget how to be true-blue when I'm drunk, and predict that to be a rather substantial deal billow for my husband. The firm? Will most likely be awarded to him in the divorce, because he'll exist the one with full custody of our children. I don't play mom very well when alcohol is an selection; and I have very little desire to.

I am unlike considering sobriety forced me to take a look at myself and take responsibility for the choices I was making.

My life was a mess considering until I got sober I chose booze over the deportment that could have fabricated my life better.

Deduction: If I want to keep my shit together, stay married, and continue an active role in the lives of my children, drinking is a terrible thought.

I could just get sober again

I could ever merely get sober again if my drinking turned into a problem. I accept many friends who decided to drink subsequently years of sobriety, with this very thought. Some of them have managed to renew their sobriety, after years of trying desperately, and some of them have not. Getting sober is one of the hardest things I've ever done. If I'chiliad honest with myself, I'one thousand not sure I could do it again.

Deduction: If I don't want to risk never finding sobriety or losing some other ten-twenty years of my life, drinking is a terrible idea.

I take an incredible relationship with God

I have an incredible human relationship with God today – a power greater than booze. It'south possible I won't get and so lost if I drink now…because I have a spiritual solution.

This thought normally makes me laugh out loud. When I drink, I choose drinking over pretty much everything in my life. Alcohol provides a false sense of security and becomes my solution for everything. I chop-chop lose faith in all things that do not offering me instant gratification and lean on alcohol.

Deduction: If I wish to continue having a relationship with God (and literally anybody else in my life), drinking is a terrible idea.

I'chiliad more than responsible at present

I've grown upwardly A LOT since I had a problem with alcohol, and I'm probably mature enough to handle the responsibility now.

I was 22 when I got sober, but had the maturity of a fifteen-twelvemonth-old daughter. I was 15 when I started drinking. Coincidence? Probably not.

When I think about my life dorsum then, I feel tired. I remember how exhausting it was to residuum all the things that I had to do (ie. parent, work, adult) and the things I wanted to do (become wasted, let loose, avoid responsibility).

I similar my life today. Maybe that's because I'1000 sober, maybe it'due south not. Either way, I'thousand not willing to start a fire I'm non sure I can control because I own a lot of flammable shit.

Deduction: If I don't want a fifteen-year-old daughter running my life into the toilet, while whining and crying because adulting is and so hard, drinking is a terrible idea.

Other people manage it

Other people get to get drunk and still live great lives. *crosses arms and stomps human foot* Information technology'S Not FAIR!!!

Encounter? Fifty-fifty just the thought of drinking turns me into a very large toddler.

The truth is, it doesn't thing how other people potable, how often, or what happens when they do. Experience has shown me – time and once more – that a great life and booze don't mix.

Deduction: If I want my great life, drinking is a terrible idea.

Drinking fabricated me more fun

I am really non a fun drunkard person. Okay, that's unfair. For similar the start ten minutes I'm a hoot. Later on that, I'thousand either incredibly obnoxious or a complete drag; depending on my mood. Quite often, the only person unaware of this, is me.I take had style more fun since getting sober…and the kicker? I get to think all of information technology.

Deduction: If I bask having friends, drinking is a terrible idea.

After seventeen years, I have earned it!!

What I accept earned in the terminal seventeen years, one day at a time, is an incredible life that booze just doesn't factor into anymore. Besides, "information technology" usually refers to that old false sense of relief and comfort I thought drinking provided. The truth is, the loftier prices I paid for that "relief" were never worth information technology.

Recovery has provided the opportunity to practice many other coping skills and tools to bargain with stress, etc. that actually piece of work. These tools do not offer immediate gratification the fashion alcohol did, but they don't ever result in my wanting to impale myself either.

Deduction: I choose sobriety today, and the amazing life I get to live considering of it. Even subsequently seventeen years of sobriety, drinking is a terrible idea.

This postal service originally appeared on the weblog Next Life, NO Kids.

30 Comments

I've been clean 20 years. It's early morning all I can think about is having ane drink. So I googled what would happen if….. I found your article. All I can say is thank you
1. Same here. I merely stood in front of the alcohol department at the gas station picking out my "one drink". I gooogled this before I left and put information technology dorsum.
  1. Wow I needed this bad, I am on my tertiary year clean, I drank my whole twenties abroad, I quit at 28 was the hardest thing to do, still is when I come across people drinking all the fourth dimension only you lot know, life is non fair and that is ok. Sad to know this is a lifetime battle, wish the all-time for yous all!
Wow thanks for being of service to me, to others and sharing your truth!!!!!! I tin can relate so much to your article and on my nine year sobriety altogether I needed to read this
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  Congratulations, Erin!! That's amazing, and I'm so glad to hear you related! Happy Birthday!!! XO
Cheers for sharing this. I have been sober for most 4 years later 20 years of heavy drinking. It's funny well-nigh the thinking of how everything is so good in my life causes the circumvolve of wanting that one drink but realizing that everything good has been a outcome of my sobriety.
Wow! 27 months sober and this is what I needed to read, actually wanting to be able to drink, found this post, and there it was all the reasons I gave up drinking. Cheers this has reinforced my desire to stay safe and sober
I googled (4 years sober and I want to drink!) and found your article.
Thank you for posting it.
I went to the dentist today and had laughing gas and I enjoyed it so much! I simply desire to go hammered now.
Actually for the last month or then I have been thinking most drinking. For 4 years I haven't really had strong urges. I absolutely hit rock bottom when I quit. Why practice I wan't to go downwards that road over again? Why can't I simply be happy being normal?
I don't know.
Similar you lot said. "It'south not fair!" lol
Thank you again.
1. I completely understand. I was sober 17 years and just gave up. I could lay blame merely the truth is: I am an alcoholic. David Cassidy's interview brought it dwelling. He was an ASSHOLE when he drank. The years the Partridge Family aired were the happiest of my childhood. Seeing him finally admit his addiction to alcohol was soooo humbling. The Pierce Morgan interview was humbling. David didn't make it. To hear him say to beverage again was to dice is chilling considering after all, isn't that where we are all heading? I believe him.
I am a niggling over 7 i/2 years clean, and have had stiff urges and desires to drink in the last couple months. Whether it'south because I think it could be unlike, I want to relax, fit in, exist "normal", whatever information technology is; it'south hard to contemplate it so much with recovery in the background. I got clean at eighteen, so ane of the biggest tapes that plays is that I was young when I got clean, and then it'd be different now. I enjoyed your article though, it helped me go back to reality a flake.
I am 21 months sober. I gained back everything I lost except the husband. My divorce was concluding today. My kids are in my life. Everything is supposed to exist great. I work my recovery, I've called my sponsor, I've went to coming together, I've prayed. Even so some how I desire to drink so bad right now. Been like this for a couple days. I tin can't get it to get away. I googled why a person would want to drink after being sober 21 months and found this. Thank y'all it helped the moment.
Thank you for this. I had 23 years sober and started the fire. It raged for almost 3 years and I barely got out alive. I'm 2.5 years sober again. My life is worth living fully sober.
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2. Author
  
  If yous always want to share your story with us, I'd LOVE to hear it and publish it on the site!
thirteen months sober and wanting a drink for the past few days. Financially, physically and mentally I must go along my sobriety. Your article has really helped me. Thank you.
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  I'm and then glad to hear that!! Keep on keepin' on!!
I miss drinking that's the truth. However, lesser line, the pros of not drinking far outweigh the pros of drinking, feeling expert etc.
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Tin can I please tell you lot… I literally have tears in my eyes right at present. I've been handling a lot lately and processing my daily stress has become tremendously hard. More than always for the terminal 24 hours I accept had the constant ringing of the alcohol bong in my head and…its been very hard to ignore the call. I've been googling articles to try to justify my actions prior to giving in. After searching the phrase "I really want to drink right at present" I found your article. Your ability to share so openly has given me some other 24-hour interval of remaining true to my determination to make better decisions. It has as well given me a couple of commandments to place in my journal for when I am in this place once more. Thank y'all.
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  I'chiliad so glad it was helpful for you!! It's all good, Dee. We're just human.
I was sober from 24 to 39, 15 years and then I very deliberately started to drink.
I decided I now was middle aged, settled and able to handle booze.
And with a firm grip on myself I started.
And it worked!
But in hindsight I tin can run into that it took over most right abroad, and later on iii months I lost control. Again.
I was lucky to find my fashion dorsum. I've now been sober for another 15 years and this time I have no illusions regarding booze. It has lost it'south grip over me. Shit drug really. I'chiliad Sober now and not only "not drunk."
If anyone feels tempted to attempt my method to reach sobriety, please feel free only a discussion of alert: there were and still are consequenses and a high price to be paid.
Thanks for posting

For the last few years I've had admittedly no desire to drink just just recently, it'due south come to the forefront of my thoughts again?

It's nice to exist reminded that the cons outweigh the pros and that all the success I take today boils down to the fact that I don't drink anymore

Just for today 🙂
Astonishing article! Thank you! Adore you!
Very grateful to have stumbled upon this article this night. Like some of the other posters, I've been sober nine.5 yrs simply, whilst buying expensive wine for my boss as a Christmas nowadays, a little thought popped into my head "Yous've grown upwardly so much, you might handle it differently now, how great would it exist to relax with a glass of vino!" After googling Sauvignon blanc and staring longingly at the pretty bottles, I googled "drinking after sobriety" and read your article, instantly I was reminded of the pain and chaos caused by my alcoholism. It was never 'only the one' and even if I did manage information technology this evening, I'd wake up tomorrow planning my next beverage…and I'd exist on the path to losing my job, married man and children. Stopping drinking was the hardest affair I ever did, information technology was my best friend. Thank you lot for reminding me why I stopped and that I'm not alone xx
This article was amazing! I wanted to yell Get OUT OF MY HEAD! I will have six years on Friday. After a relapse using the reasoning – if it gets bad I'll just cease. In iii.5 years I burned my life to the footing. It was so difficult to "just stop". I know I have another relapse in me only I know damned well that do not take another adventure at recovery. I'd know never make it again. For me to potable is to die. Thank you for all you write. I love your articles. I feel like you are taking correct to me.

Happy holidays! Much dear.

Kirsten
Wow. The timing could non be better to read this. Almost 2 1/two yrs sober, and I merely about threw information technology away. Tin't detect the escape. I work out 3 plus days a week,but that endorphin rush has become short lived. Thank y'all for reminding me why I started this. Y'all saved me right now!
Thanks Julie for opening yourself upward to this rarely spoken of bailiwick. I as well found your story when researching if I too could drinkable over again. There are so many generic and robotic answers on the internet but nobody is speaking in modern terms. I am 18 years sober and accept been thinking of drinking for two months now. Running scenarios through my head at nauseam. I have a few issues with this. AA is an outdated program with desperate need of updating. I've been around the rooms and if someone goes out, they are rarely truly welcomed back fully. There is so much judgement. I am guilty of this behavior. It'southward what I was taught. I remember going through rehab and if someone relapsed it felt like a death. Relapse can be autonomously of a search for salubrious sobriety. This I was never taught. And I feel bad for women newly sober trying to navigate mixed meetings without beingness hit on. These are topics rarely broached.
Another issue I have is, am I actually the asshole I was when I stopped drinking at 27? I have a wonderful wife, amazing babe girl, a dwelling and pretty solid extended family support. These things are a event of being sober I know, but they may only be a result of my maturity and continuous spiritual journey that I have discovered over the years that is not aa related. My mind is pretty much made upwards. I will drink once again. Am I looking to get bombed? No. I am merely tired of feeling every inch of life. My wife doesn't like that reason, but I haven't been able to draw it whatsoever other manner without sounding depressing.
I may exist rationalizing this entire matter and that is not lost in me. I am tired of labels and having a "disease". If there is another form of community outside aa that is free of judgment and and all the bs that goes along with information technology, sign me upward. I take yet to find someone with the vision of an updated support system. Give thanks ya'll for your time. Practiced luck in your journeys.
-Steve
Thank you so much for this article, it helped put my caput back in the correct infinite. I've been sober for 9 years, but lately I discover my self thinking it would be nice to have a drink after I put my 2 year old to slumber because its been a crazy day with him. Or that maybe I could meet more mom friends if I still drank. I truly needed to read this 🙂
I just celebrated 36 years of sobriety and for the last several years have contemplated drinking again. I came from a very sick alcoholic home and started partying when I was xiii years onetime. I was full of anxiety and at my wits end by the time I was 22. When I sought assistance, I was told I was probably alcoholic. Desperate, I jumped on the ring railroad vehicle and was gratefully sober during my 25 yr marriage and raising my daughters. I have been happily on my own now for several years. A committed christian and loyal employee living a respectable life. I have worked through all the childhood trauma and my emotionally abusive marriage. Life is good. Only I desire to know if I could now potable "normally" like other people and I cannot abandon these thoughts. I am not that young and afraid daughter anymore. I am mentally and emotionally healed and want to taste arts and crafts beer. Actually doing it and telling people absolutely terrifies me. I take been identified as someone who doesn't drink for many years. Just I am more than that and want to experience all the unproblematic pleasures in life that are available to me. I'grand afraid to try information technology and afraid not to endeavour it.
Had my v years sobriety birthday three days ago and I've been struggling with staying sober for about a year. Your article reminded me of all the things im fighting against. It'southward better to stay sober fifty-fifty if I don't want to be.